No words are going to ever make it better.
I keep thinking about what I could have done to fix you.
To save you.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate feeling like had I just kept Loopy
he would've been okay.
Like had I paid more attention to him
than Sean
That he would've realized how much I cared.
But I was healing,
and now that the past wound
has been stitched up
and has healed
My heart has been torn open
I don't even know which doctor to see for that
or which way I should look to find "up"
I wish I could sleep,
and when I do,
that I could dream of you.
I miss you.
I miss our talks
I miss sticking up for you
when you didn't even want me to
It shouldn't take a funeral
to slap me back into the reality
that I've been living a selfish life
I want to feel bad for myself
I really do.
But then I remember all of the times you chose to leave
Why would you do that?
How could you leave me so many times
after all the hurt we both felt?
Not a day has gone by without you here in my mind.
And can you tell me
On Earth are we all just blind?
Is Heaven as it sounds?
Pure, and divine?
We had our laughs together,
but that's all they'll ever be now.
No next times
or "maybe later"s
Just a fading memory.
Just wish I were home.
That we could have started our life over.
You shouldn't have left us.
Couldn't have left us.
The good times are killing me.
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