Dear Andrew,

Just in case you ever wonder,
There will never be a day that you are not missed.
I'm among many who will miss you every single day.

Josh and I try to laugh about it,
then we're left in this awkward silence that we know just isn't right.

Just in case you ever wonder,
I was looking at plane tickets for you.
I was going to buy them.
You just had to say the word.

I'm so mad at you right now,
but I love you and you're gone and no amount of sadness or remorse can take that pain away.  You should have messaged me.  I would have answered you.  I would have answered you and talked to you.  I would have at least been able to say Bye or I love you.

And just in case you ever wonder,
this guilt in my heart is driving me mad.  I'm so sorry I was mad at you for so long.  But I had forgiven you, and I had told you that I had.  I had told you that years ago.  All I wanted was for you to get better.  I wanted that anger to go away.  I wanted the old you back.

I can't accept that you're never coming back.