Sleepless Night #One too many

So many thoughts
rushing through my mind

I'm tired
I can't sleep
I miss you
I'm sad
I could really use a damn hug
and
what the hell
am I doing with my life

I just want to feel loved
so then why
do I feel so alone?

Standing Still

I keep reliving the moment

I found out

over 

and over again

Like a reoccurring dream

or rather,

nightmare.

My legs going limp

under the weight 

of my own body.  

My mind going blank

because the news

is too much to bear.

 "I never knew

that grief 

felt so much

like fear."

And I am terrified.

Scared half to death

that in your passing

my whole world

will crumble too.

Scared half to death

that the pain 

will be too much

for my parents 

that the guilt

of past regrets

will eat me alive

that the grief

will consume me

Because it's supposed to get easier with time

So why am I stuck 

standing still?

The Cold World

She sits

silent

watching

the leaves have all fallen

the snow has fallen too

She sits

staring 

out of her window

wondering 

thinking

remembering.

She sits

wrapped-up

cozy in her thick, 

flannel blanket.

Her world

is in a lull 

Not sure 

where she's going

from here

from anywhere.

Her future 

is uncertain 

Her past 

is a confusing blend

of the highest of highs

and the lowest of lows.

and just being alive

to see each day.

Her children

truly love her.

Her husband

adores her.

But still

she has a hole

in her heart.

An ache 

that pulls

at her soul.

She sits

looking

quietly 

out into the cold world.

Snow drifting down slowly

The world turned white.

The world sitting still

as she sits

and looks

quietly out the window.