Deserving the World

We think ourselves
too broken to move on
too broken
to deserve more than
the here and now.

Maybe we are right.

Maybe we are so utterly broken
and despaired
that we owe it to ourselves
and mayhap
to the world
to never leave the nexus
of our own being
again.

I don't know
much though.

To be frank,
Some days
I feel like I don't know
anything.

But I will tell you
what I think...

I think that at the end of it all
when it has all been said and done
you will get
what you deserve.

And I hope,
for your own sake,
that you deserve the world.

Constructed Demise

Waves collide
with a raging sea.

Lightning
crashes, spewing electricity.

Wind shrieks
across the dark, clouded skies.

This storm will be
the world's demise.

(Trust me)
The world
is
becoming
dismantled.

The world,
well,
she's being tipped on her side.

My heart
is skipping
beats
in between
my shortcomings
and my not-good-enoughs.

(I stop
to remember you.)

The drummer drums on
and the days move forward like
fucking clockwork. 

(It's amazing how nobody seems to care.)

~

I am trapped in a glass house
screaming to be let out
as I watch the hurricane approach.

My God,
I want to live.

I want to escape from this prison
This hell
that has enveloped me.

I am trapped in a glass house
and you may think,
"My goodness, this place looks rather nice."
But I am telling you
I am telling you
I
am telling
you
that this place is rotting from the inside
out
and I am dying to be free
from the prison
constructed within me.

~

Waves collide
with a raging sea.

Lightning
crashes, spewing electricity.

Wind shrieks
across the dark, clouded skies.

This storm will be
my own constructed demise.

Venom. Guilt.

Venom-filled eyes
to match your resenting grin.

Maybe the stone was thrown
too far this time
but a simple toss
couldn't have pushed
you this far.

This room is filled
with this bright and vibrant light
but no matter my outside world
my insides only reflect
a deep guilt
that you may never recognize
how much
I love you.

How much I have sacrificed.

How much I (uncontrollably)
care.

My grandfather died
resented by his children
and mayhap
I will die
the same way.

I suppose
I can empathize.
-
It doesn't take the pain
away.
-

My veins
are washed black
by the poison
inside of you.