Heaviness

I wanted to say something
Profound

I wanted to say the feelings that
rest uneasily
in my locked chest.

I wanted you to feel
what I felt

I wanted you
to understand.

Instead,
we lie awake at night
wondering
if the other
is the reason why
we remain alive.

So often,
I find myself sinking
into the undertow.
Drowning
under waves
that I cannot see
but I can feel.

So often,
You find yourself alone
with no one to listen
as you fight
with the demons
hidden in the dark
recesses of your mind.

I don't mind.
I don't mind.

But is this
really what it takes
for us to survive?

I wanted to tell you something
so
profound
that you would see
the world in the same light
that I see you

beautiful

We are worlds apart
despite the heaviness of
your breathes
landing softly
upon my lips

More awake than ever before
yet still I lie
In that moment
My heart tore

You saw me.
And yet
You still left.

It makes sense.
It always has. 

Let Go

So cold,
and so I've been told
that if we continue to hold
onto who we once were
our roots will sprout mold

I can't let go
My past in tow
I've never felt so low.
You told me we could grow
No,
No-I don't know.

I hold clenched fists
but that kills my wrists
The future seems so hazy
I can't seem to see through this mist.

I can't let go
My past shot like a bow
striking me as an arrow
stuck through toes
Yeah, it's too low
but it won't let go.

The Heavy Sigh

Stretched out over the ledge
Despite the vastness below me
I feel safe.

I guess
That I shouldn't.

But the soft Earth
beneath my bare toes
cool
fresh

and the dusty breeze

reminds me
that I'm on my last leg
of this God awful journey.

I am on a ledge.

With nothing but the crashing waves
somewhere lost under the sea of clouds
to catch me

or not.

You wouldn't know this about me

but I am afraid.
Safe.
But afraid.

So afraid that whether I stay in
this one spot for the rest of my life
or if I jump

that I will have made the wrong choice. 

My heels dig into the loose soil
and my body releases a heavy sigh.

I am safe.
But I am not alive.