Looking back at my life, I'm happy with where I am at now. It's been a long journey so far, and I've had to fight for what I have, but without the fight, it wouldn't have felt worth it.
I am twenty-one years old as of last week. I graduated from boarding college preparatory school. Attended a division three college for ice hockey, having most of my gear paid for. Realized that hockey was no longer my dream. Learned that I needed to focus more on the real world and an educated, rather than wasting my time on drama and people not worth the effort. I am a CNA, and working towards an Associates in Medical Assistance, and a Bachelors in Health Information. I got the little brother I always wanted when I was growing up, and he is better than I could have hoped for. When I was fourteen, I met the boy of my dreams, and today we are happily married. Despite the warnings, and how when you're married everything changes, I am not pregnant, nor have I ever been pregnant. In fact, for those who doubted me, if you do the math correctly, if we married due to pregnancy, well, I'd have a kid by now. Luckily, that is not the case.
I am living in Alabama... Alafreakingbama. Didn't see that one coming. But I'm happy here. I have made some amazing friends, grown up quite a bit, and have the ability to continue school while being able to afford it.
No, I don't play hockey anymore. And I loved hockey. But what I loved more than hockey, was the time I got to spend with my family during those long car rides. When I reached college and was playing, my family wasn't there. The fun that I once had, I realized wasn't solely the love of the game.. but the love of my dad giving me a pep talk and driving hours just for a practice, or my mom shouting "sugar honey ice tea sugar honey ice tea" and her high pitched excited scream she'd let out when she was both proud and excited.
What I have learned, even just from hockey is that the things we love, change. We don't realize that they change until it's too late and when we let go, we miss the true reason for that love in the first place.
I am happy where I am now in my life. I have parents and family who love me. A husband whom I adore, and whom adores me. Heck, I even have a cat now. I always wanted a cat. My best friend just threw my a surprise birthday party. I always wanted a surprise party.
I write openly and have people who support me and don't judge who I am.
What I have learned is that I loved Andrew even when he changed. I saw his change, but I denied it until it was too late. I was angry with him, resented him for what he had become. I missed who he once was. I missed the sweet and loving little boy he once was. He was the same though. All that had changed were his habits. I forgave him and we began to rebuild.
Fate has a funny way of destroying drawn out opportunities.
If I could go back,
I know I would.
I am happy with my life right now, but every day I am missing you, Andrew. Every day I wonder when we shall meet again, but like I said, I'm happy. Happy knowing that you are safe and sound. And no longer must I worry. The worst has already happened. Now, we can only pick up the pieces, and continue on.
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