I swallow hard
The dry lining of my throat
aches
with the rest of my body
as I stand
watching the rest of the world
move on.
Children laughing and playing
Friends talking and joking
The trees dancing in the wind
as the Earth continues
to rotate on her axis
The sun continues to rise
despite how often it sets.
But the empty feeling
in my chest
feels somewhat similar
to nausea
and dizziness
Anxious
that no one says a word
or worse
that someone does
The tears are just below the surface
and one word
will bring me over the edge.
You are not supposed to run
from yourself.
But each day
I throw that side of me
to the wayside
corner her
and tie her up
tell her to be quiet
and to leave me alone.
but
The shrieks break through the duct tape
more often than not
And I am left
listening to myself
looking at my mirror image
disappointed
by how I turned out.
Disappointed that I can't keep it together
I don't want you to understand
but more than anything else in the world
I do.
Someone who feels the pain
that burns
slowly
on the inside
while holding up a mask
on the outside
as if the pain is nothing
and each day
truly is a blessing.
I write words of hope
but I can hardly believe them
myself
Maybe
if I say I do
for long enough
perhaps I will.
Perhaps we can overcome.
I have cried
for much too long.
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