Denial

I've finally admitted to myself that I'm still in denial.
That one day I'm going to pick up the phone
and hear your voice.

Can't believe-
Don't want to believe
that you're gone like this.

Everyday is harder than the last.
They say that it gets easier with time
I think they're full of shit.

Seeing you in a dream
isn't enough.

Crying for hours
makes me feel worse.

You're gone
and you're never
EVER
coming back

It's like I've been stabbed in the chest
and no one has the courage to pull the knife out yet.

I don't want to talk about it
but at the same time
I want to be heard.

Why did it have to be you?
I love you so much,
placed so much faith in you,
and now
you're gone.

Like you pulled a Houdini
and disappeared without a trace.

I said my goodbyes but I'm not done.
Not yet.

I'm still waiting for you to come home,
to visit me.
To just pick up the phone and call me.

This isn't right.

We had finally found ourselves
in this world of liars.

I can't help but feel
that you're not gone.
That you will find me
wake me up
and tell me
this was just a terrible nightmare

I would happily die now
if I knew it would bring me to you.