Sacred machines, they fill the air.
Lost enemies, wandering where?
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
So glad we came, I have heard, I have heard it's said that
You are a dancing prude who would save the world in 33.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
Break into the outer world, child, child.
Break into the outer world, child, child.
Mother must go now, now she is lonely.
She will be here by your side.
Mother must go now, now she is lonely.
She will be here don't you cry.
"Did you decide to wake up? Wake up."
Now we wake up.
"Did you decide to wake up?"
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
"Did you decide to wake up? Wake up."
Now we wake up.
"Did you decide to wake up?"
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up.
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up here.
Mother, don't go out. Mother, don't go out.
Lost enemies, wandering where?
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
So glad we came, I have heard, I have heard it's said that
You are a dancing prude who would save the world in 33.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
Break into the outer world, child, child.
Break into the outer world, child, child.
Mother must go now, now she is lonely.
She will be here by your side.
Mother must go now, now she is lonely.
She will be here don't you cry.
"Did you decide to wake up? Wake up."
Now we wake up.
"Did you decide to wake up?"
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die.
"Did you decide to wake up? Wake up."
Now we wake up.
"Did you decide to wake up?"
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up.
Wake, wake, wake, wake, wake up here.
Mother, don't go out. Mother, don't go out.
I recently bought the new Eisley cd and have found every song has a different meaning to me.
If I can see the light in your eyes,
then I won't die, then I won't die
then I won't die, then I won't die
For the week after Andrew passed away, I was looking for an answer or a meaning for it all. I had even convinced myself that he would just open his eyes and it would all be a huge joke. The worst part being that it's not a joke, but a sickening reality.
Losing Andrew has been a nightmare. It has been 4 months and 2 days. I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp that whips me around showing me the best memories of my life, then tearing them apart at the seams when I'm reminded that they are no more.
We used to talk like old friends. Seeing you, no matter the circumstances, was good. We'd go months without talking sometimes but you always told me everything. We were so different. You made me who I am. Sometimes that angers me, you made me hate you at times. But I can only thank you now.
There are only a few ways to scare a kid out of ever doing something. Andrew was an amazing role model in a way that doesn't make sense to most people. We had a silent understanding that Josh and I were never to do what Andrew did. He smoked, we never will. He was an alcoholic, we'll only enjoy a couple drinks. He lost himself in the drug world, we would never enter it. But while he taught us everything to not do, we couldn't save him from himself. He didn't want to be saved. Or rather, he did. The Andrew that was left in there wanted to escape his demons so badly that in order to do so, he had to escape this life.
No, he didn't commit suicide. It was all a huge misunderstanding. It was a giant mistake. He would take it all back if he could. Wouldn't he? He loved us all. Of course he would.
There are only a few ways to scare a kid out of ever doing something. Andrew was an amazing role model in a way that doesn't make sense to most people. We had a silent understanding that Josh and I were never to do what Andrew did. He smoked, we never will. He was an alcoholic, we'll only enjoy a couple drinks. He lost himself in the drug world, we would never enter it. But while he taught us everything to not do, we couldn't save him from himself. He didn't want to be saved. Or rather, he did. The Andrew that was left in there wanted to escape his demons so badly that in order to do so, he had to escape this life.
No, he didn't commit suicide. It was all a huge misunderstanding. It was a giant mistake. He would take it all back if he could. Wouldn't he? He loved us all. Of course he would.
A few days ago, a friend of mine texted me regarding church. I'll be honest, I haven't been to church in months. I believe myself to be a Christian however, I'm sick and tired of churches dictating how you believe and what you believe. I'm tired of being told that if you don't go to church that you're not a good Christian.
Long story short, my friend said how terrible it must be to have a spouse who doesn't encourage you to go, especially after losing Andrew.
Sean might not be into going to church, but he has never discouraged me. I have always felt closer to God outside while worshiping on my own, than inside a stuffy church. Everyone has different experiences, however mine wasn't one that I would ever like to relive.
Right now, I am happy with my relationship with God. I have been soul searching for a few months and came to enlightenment regarding my beliefs. And I'm happy for it. I don't want to ruin that happiness.
Sean has been here for me in my worst moments. He has comforted me through the nights when I could only cry. He has lifted me when I was too weak to stand. He scared my demons away and protected me through the darkest of nights.
Losing Andrew is difficult on multiple levels. On the nights that I can sleep, I have nightmares. On the days that I can hold it together, he's still there in the back of my mind. I told myself that I have to be strong for everyone else. That I can wear a smile even though my world seems to have been torn apart. I am better than this.
My best friend and my worst enemy.
How do you continue on when the world is flipped upside-down?
You just keep walking. If you can't walk, then you crawl.
And if you can't crawl,
you drag yourself
towards salvation.
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