It's hard,
you know?

Being depressed I mean.

Laying down at night
alone,
or not
and just thinking.

A teacher once told me that writing
isn't about how you feel
it's about how you think

and I think that I am tired of this.
I think that I am ready to shed this skin
once and for all
and evolve.

My life is nothing special.
I am simply
average

But my life is beautiful
in that in my suffering
in my darkest hour
there is a light that shines
through the darkness

I think that we are all evolving
towards our perfected selves
while our body slowly decays.

It is hard
to be depressed.
To feel the weight of the world
crushing your chest
To think that you could die
right here
right now
and it wouldn't matter

To think that this moment
means nothing
and that you are
insignificant
because you are
in the grand scheme of things

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Father's Day

We sit silently in this moment

Memories slipping by 

like water through a grate, 

sand through fingers.

Our time here is waning away 

But Dad,

There is so much more 

that I have left  to say.

Words that I cannot speak

as they hold little meaning 

compared to my short lifetime

spent with you.

The little moments

the quiet ones

Spent between adventures 

and the other mundane parts of life 

that seemed to seep in 

when we weren't looking

Long car rides

Transient visits

Homesickness eroding at a young heart

There is so much more

that I have left to say

-words do them little justice.

The love you have shared and instilled

is like a warm blanket on a cold day,

or a story before bed.

It is a pat on the back

after giving your best

and the constant encouragement

to get back up

no matter how many times you fall

and the laughter 

when looking back on just how far

we've come.

While it sounds simple

All that I can say is that

I am so lucky

-fortunate

to have such an example to follow

A lifetime with you as my Father

will never be enough

Happy Father's Day.

Love,

Kirsten

I am strange.
I do not deny that.

When I look up towards the night sky
I see not simply stars
I see another life.
Another time.
Through the eyes
of someone I do not know.

I see crystal shards of tears
frozen like a memory torn from my hands
Destroyed before me
is a looking glass.
A time in which I will never know.

In my dreams
I hear their whispers
Between green trees twisting and turning
leading me down a path
of emblazoned fear.

Dirt scratches between my toes
a smooth silk touched with scathing spurs
drawing blood with each step.

I wish to run
but the pain is too much.

As if jerked back from a nightmare
I awaken
knowing of a life
I once lived.

-Silence-
Falls over me
Like the comfort of a heavy rain
pouring down
enveloping my very being.

I am strange.
I do not deny it.

I will live a legend
and die unknown.

And just like that
Something in me snapped

There are many things to be confused about
-to sit and ponder about
-to think, and ask yourself...
"What in the world is going on?"

I sit here and can only imagine
that things will get easier.

Maybe they will...
maybe they will not.

Only time
will tell

Legacy

Everyday is a blessing.

Some would say that I'm moving on,
but I don't think that is true.
I am moving forward,
however,
I will never move on.
There is a difference,
you know.

I still think back to his red hair
Blue eyes
and fair skin

Sometimes that's all I can see
is some weird compilation
of who he used to be.

I'm not one to talk about the afterlife
These days I have ideas
and I have dreams
but to share them feels
too obscene.

Some days I can make it through
with hardly a thought
Others,
it is my only thought.

Every life is a blessing.

My life,
His life.

We all serve a purpose,
and I know the legacy he passed on for me...
but what about you?

To follow

Like a slow moving current
Down a winding path
I follow

The road
-I do not know
And yet
I will follow

Our hearts are aligned
Like stars in the far off distance
Shining delicately
Magnificently
But must exist in some other time

You shine across the galaxy
And still
I follow.

And each day I watch
Petal by petal
My soul is exposed
Crying out to be picked
By you
And only you.
"He loves me, he loves me not"

My world seems so still these days
We have settled
His light feeds me
As I drink in the love
Bestowed upon me
"He loves me"
And still
I follow