Alone in this small room
My fingers dance across the keys
As I forget about my worries

Clumsily
my fingers trip over
one another
and hit the wrong notes

But nothing could speak to my heart
more earnestly
than the nonrhythmic tune
that I attempt to play.

It seems as if
all at once
and all too quickly
I was captured
by your quirky smile
and your boyish charm.

There was no way to fight it
-Lord knows I tried.

But at the end of it all
it was always
-always
you.

I knew it
deep within my bones
as I shuddered to think of a future
without you.

The world is far too quiet
without you near.

The world
is far too lonesome
without your kind eyes
and your strong arms
that wrap me up
in the darkness of night
as the stars hide behind the clouds
and my thoughts become hazy.

As my eyes
begin to close
and my mind
to wander.

And if I could wish for any one thing
it would be for your eternal happiness,
because nothing makes me happier
than seeing your toothy grin
and hearing you laugh in delight.

Because whether you are with me
or someone else,
I know that until the end of my days
my heart will always
hold you dearly
as you have held me.

Heart frozen
in fear.

And yet,
the day still breaks.

I am drowning.

But I am fine.  

As I looked into your eyes
I saw a deep ache.
-a yearning for what was
and a hope
for what will never be.

And
For that
I am sorry.
I am so sorry
that so quickly
a lifetime is over.

That all the love in your heart
could not save him.
That all the love in my own heart
could not bring him back.

As I looked into your eyes
I saw a deep love.
A reflection
of those who have raised you
and those you have raised.

And
with that
you should feel pride
You should feel a deep pride
knowing that all that you have lived for
and all that you will die for
will culminate
and manifest
into love and life
everlasting.

And that
is not a something
for just anyone.

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” 

― Lemony Snicket in A Series of Unfortunate Events

As many know, I am Kirsten, Andy and Doloris' granddaughter, and the daughter of Rob and Sue.  Upon hearing the news of Pep's passing, I had to sit as I'm imaging many of you did.  This was something that I knew would happen eventually, as, at the risk of sounding too morbid, we all move on from this life and into whatever comes next at some point or another.  These last few years have been difficult years, in the sense that Pep had been in and out of the hospital.  Each time I would pray and hope that he would recover and get better.  Alas, we sit and stand here today knowing that Pep put up the good fight and fought until the end.

I would like to share my experience of being an adult with living grandparents:

To many of my friends, this is a foreign concept.  I'm not sure why, as it's a really amazing thing to have.  Getting to know Mem and Pep as mentors and friends, and not just my parents' parents has been a blessing.  Pep had been a flight engineer for the Navy, and Mem was a productive Navy wife actively involved in the Navy Wives Club.  My husband Sean, who could not be here today is an Army pilot, and I like to think of myself as a productive Army wife involved in the Family Readiness Group. Of the times that we shared with Mem and Pep, Sean and I could only talk about how much we aspire to be like them one day.

The thing that I love about Mem and Pep is that you can tell that they loved each other dearly.  I loved listening to Pep start giving Mem a hard time while driving and Mem turning and saying, "You are being such a pill!" and Pep letting out a grunt in opposition. As a little girl, he used to call me the Quin which made me so angry because, "No Pepe, it's QUEEN!"   I love that Pep was so creative, and intelligent.  I remember the little things he would make for me.  He put together my 3rd grade school project for Charlotte's Web and you best believe that I won first place.  He made a basketball court for my basketball barbies that I received one year for Christmas.  All the doll houses and Christmas Villages, and the train sets; and all the times that he and my dad were putting this or that together.  The are so many memories I could share about Pepe.

So many good memories.

I will miss that smirk he got on his face when he thought he was being clever, or that nonstop shake in his neck.  I'll miss sitting at a restaurant and him blowing his straw wrapper at me or mem.  I'll miss hearing, "Hello, my girl." whenever I call or visit.  I'll miss sharing wine coolers and military stories while playing dominos.  Most importantly, I'm going to miss his love and support.

Thank you all for coming and paying your respects to the wonderful man Pepe was.

From Up On High

From up on high
upon these tall shoulders
I feel invincible
as I dig my small fingers
into my father's hair.

He protests
and
I just laugh.

But had I known
that my last
shoulder ride
was going to be my last
I would have
laughed longer
and objected at every moment
my father tried to pull me down.

I would have held on
for dear life
and asked for another ride
tomorrow

But it's funny how
we never think
it's going to be
the last time
Until it's
long
been
over.