Sun Shining

Sun shining down on my day
I pray that you do not go away
Do not go away,
-not on this beautiful day

Slowly drowning

and no one can save me

Just a rose that lost her thorns

A bird with clipped wings

I'm broken,

or rather,

Breaking with nothing to hold me together

Hold me together

while I fall apart

I keep closing my eyes
with the attempt to let it all go
to let tomorrow fade away into the rising tide
to let forever
    just
stop

Yesterday seemed so easy,
today, so difficult

Tomorrow... I don't even want to think about,
but as the moments slip away
There seems not to be a choice

Not a light at the end of the tunnel,
not a phrase that will take it all away

It is inevitable


I have fallen apart.

Collective thoughts

I have lost
what I longed
so long to have had

Aching limbs
Red, dried eyes,
I promise you, sir,
I am hardly alive

I am a liar
and when I lay
I have lied
for three quarters
of a hard lived day

I can promise you,
my love,
my heart,
that if you can hear my breathing
and my heart beating
that we will soon be one

Just close your eyes
and I will let you take me over
as my body is washed away into infinity
let loose by your strong, holding arms

I am lost
I am a liar
I have laid down all that I once knew
and I lose
It truly is that simple

Believe me
my one and my only
and then,
let me go

A Letter to an Old Friend

Dear God,

We have't spoken for a while but I felt like we should catch up...

I don't really know what to say though because you know it all.  I guess that I'm just stressed is all, you know?  Like I can't escape all this that's behind me.  Like I can't just step up and let all that's weighing me down, go.  I'm scared.  Really scared.  I've never felt so alone before... mostly because I've never been so alone before.

All eyes are on me and what if I fail?  What if I don't get the last word and I let myself crumble to the cruelty surrounding me.  

God,
I just don't know anymore.

I'm trying and trying but the harder I hold on, the more it all slips away and I have forgotten.  Let me find you. Let me find myself somewhere close by.

God... just please promise that this will all be worth it.

Sincerely,
Losing faith as the days pass by

The Guide to Make Teens Dislike You... For no reason

1)  Be a reserved person.

By this I mean be quiet and enjoy alone time.  If you live with roommates that are all very social people, they will label you as antisocial and call you out on not hanging out with them.  When you explain to them that you just enjoy quiet time, but prepared for them to say that you are a loser or that you are antisocial.  Tell them that you like quiet time.  If they persist... tell them to "Fuck off"

2)  Don't Talk About Your Sex Life

For some reason people just love talking about their sex lives.  Even if you have a very exciting one, just don't talk about it.  You will be asked time and time again to open up about it and when you explain that it's a personal matter and you would rather not share, you will be seen as uncool.

3)  Tell People that You think Oral Sex is Gross

You get a lot of weird looks with this one.  Whether you're joking or not, people are very serious about this for some strange reason.

4)  Be in a Happy Relationship

Your peers will hate this.  Jealousy probably though I hear from a lot of girls that it's because they're "young" and want to do whatever they want.  AKA they like having sex with multiple dudes.

5)  Avoid Conflict

Because it just causes more.

A Small Place Across Town

                There’s a place across town, you’d like it.  Real small… yeah, the kind of place that you can go into and just disappear in for a while.  No one would notice, no one would care.  You can just close your eyes and you’re free. 

                The kind of free that you dream about when you’re an adult thinking about your childhood.  The kind of free that a beaten old dog thinks about after being thrown out and kicked.  You know what I’m talking about…

THAT kind of free.

The grass is green and the sun is such a sweet yellow that it tastes like honey and smells like sunflowers.  The flowers are in full bloom and the ground is moist under your feet.  You don’t remember how hot or chilly it was, you just remember that it was perfect.  That when you looked into the distance, you saw infinity unfolding before your very eyes.  You don’t remember what brought you to this experience, nor do you want to.  You just want to take it all back and relive it again.

THAT kind of free.

The waking up at nine a.m. and not feeling tired.  You smell a freshness flowing through your open windows and are drawn up by the morning’s light.  The one you love the most rolls over and as your eyes meet, you feel like words will never explain how much you would give up for that person, how much you love that one and only person.  You push away your thoughts about how the future scares you and, instead, lean in and share a sweet kiss.  The morning could just pass you by but you don’t care.  You are so free in this moment that you never will let it go.  Not until that last breath crosses your lips and you heart beats its last tune. 

You know what I mean.

You just have to go there.  I can take you but you got to go in on your own.  It’s a personally thing that you have to do.  I’m telling you though, it’s a beautiful thing.  It’s like dreaming while wide awake.  It’s like giving up everything to that one person and having it done in return.  It’s comfortable.   You are so free.  Just follow me, it’s not too far from here.

But once you go in and then leave, you can never go back.  Once you leave that place… just… just go in and don’t leave.  It’s just across town.  I’ll take you.  Go disappear for a while.  You deserve it.