Darkness

When the night comes
darkness slips through the cracks
creeps into my home
-into my heart

Scared
that with each passing moment
the demons will come closer
to breaking me

They torment me in my dreams
Call to me when I am awake
and I can only hope
that one day
they will leave.

Tired
too tired to fight anymore
if the darkness takes me
sometimes I think
"so be it"

So be this life.

We all have skeletons
in our closets
but most of ours
don't fight to get out
don't writhe and scream
scratching so loud
that my ears begin to bleed.

When the night comes
I see the darkness filling my eyes
filling my mind
too tired to fight
and once more
I fall into a restless sleep

The Leaves Do Not Turn Here

Summer fades
with each passing day
the heat
gradually dissipating

crickets sing
airplanes
and helicopters fly over head

Another month quickly approaches
and with time
it will be as if
this year never happened at all

Just another moment to forget
and let slip through the cracks
Just another moment
to tell yourself never happened.

The leaves don't turn here.
They just die.
Such a bland existence
But at home,
their sacrifice looked so beautiful
so glorious
that Autumn didn't look so ominous
but rather
peaceful
and understanding.

It gave hope
that prior to death
we could burn the purest shades
of red and gold
anything in between
before turning to mere ash
left to dissolve into the ground.

It gave hope that
we could leave behind a seed
that would grow
after the cold Winter months
to let our line continue on

-that we may not die in vain
but rather
die having passed on the secrets
of our nature.

Goodbye For Now

Dear Andrew,

Time changed us

and we grew apart

but I still love you.

and I still miss you everyday.

Sometimes I ignore the pain

other days 

I embrace it

to remember you

I know you wouldn't want this

but 

I know you wouldn't want to be forgotten.

That's why you talk to me

in my dreams 

or even

when I'm outside

and the wind picks up

and there's a whisper through the 

leaves in the trees.

I know you're there.

Sometimes life goes on as usual

other days it stops so suddenly

and I can't breathe 

as if my heart decides

it's done beating

and just wants to join you.

I can't though.

There's still so much left to do

so many people left to meet

places to see

so that when I die

I may see you again

and tell you all about it

and you will laugh

You will tell me

"I was there the whole time,

didn't you see me?"

Of course I did.

I see you everywhere.  

I cannot wait for that day.

Truly,

it will be heavenly.

Love Always,

Boo

Hope is a waking dream

"Dream Machine"

I am a dream machine
The things I see when I sleep
You wouldn't believe
I am a weird machine
Which I'd rather be
Than cold and unfeeling
Than stone and freewheeling
For no reason
Why would I try then?

I am a whisper at night
When maybe I shouldn't so shy
I am a smile when it feels right
But mostly just pretty dry
What would I be then and
Why would I try?

~

Life as we know it

is failing us

every moment that we are

in fact

alive.

Life as I know it

has left me

to find another port 

another victim

If I just lie here under my blankets

maybe I can wait until it all 

just passes me by.

A dream

it's all a dream

I can't shake these nightmares

these shadows

lurking in the dark

Close my eyes

it's all just a dream

a silly dream

when I awake it will all be over

When I awake

If I awake

If only I could find you.

You cannot find what you haven't lost.

You are with me always.

1 John 4:1

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Being

Ready to start again
to start over new
God,
I cannot wait.

Getting nervous
as I get ready.
New clothes
fresh with the tags still on
Brushing the snarls out of my hair
Brushing my teeth for an extra two minutes
This could be my only chance out of here
I pull on my new shining shoes
close my eyes
and try to breathe
Then walk outside
and into the car

Driving myself crazy
thinking of all the possibilities
All the doors this could open

I don't bother to look at the road
I am looking at the sky
the beautifully painted
pink
orange
and blue sky

And I think of how long it took me
to get here.

And how soon
I will leave.

I cannot wait.
Today
is the day
that will change
everything

Today
I will overcome.
I will escape.
I will believe.
I will be.

The Lie

Too tired to admit my mistakes
Clearly...
quite clearly I am wrong
I am slipping quickly

A lie is a lie
until you make it something more

And what if that something more
Holds a whole world within itself?

What if that something more
is more than even just that
and is something we cannot control?

Too tired to get up
But clearly,
quite clearly,
I am slipping quickly

The energy has been sucked from me
The life force that once held me together
has been depleted

A lie is a lie
until you dress it up nicely
give it a name
and take it out to eat

if you know what I mean

And this isn't just a fancy dinner

this is life

and it's eating away at you

Its mascara is running

and hair is turning grey

and you can't just bury it 

when it looks too old to carry anymore

No, 

you need to kill this 

You need to suffocate it 

as it lashes back at you

and it struggles

writhes, kicks, and screams for air

and then,

simply,

dies.

A lie is a lie

until you kill it.

Home

The winds pick up

A storm is coming

A storm stronger than anything

we have ever seen before

The winds pick up

gusting all around me

Blowing in all directions

I once felt so lost

but I can finally see

with the wind all around me

The darkness has fallen 

below the horizon

and now 

The world is filled

with a bright light

that fills my soul

I drink it in with ease

I lift my hands into the air

and I let go 

I let the wind take me

The battle to stay grounded 

was too hard to fight

It wasn't my battle to fight

I take a breath in

and release

The natural world consumes me

And it is here that is holy.

It is here that I am no longer alone.

Winds,

guide me home.