There is so much left to learn
about this world
other worlds
Heaven
and ourselves
Is it only in your dying breath
that it is all exposed to you
so brilliantly
A light
that you walk towards
knowing it is good
Knowing
that it is now your time
But time for what?
The end
or the beginning
The starting line
or the mere finish?
It is as if all of this time
were nothing
if not wasted
on the small things
on everything but keeping ourselves alive
How selfish.
I would give up my life
a million times over
just to save the ones I love
and yet it would never be enough
to show how much my heart
beats for them
All of them.
Sometimes
I look back on my life
wondering if this journey has all been worth it
All those moments of pain
Anguish
A hurt in your heart that you can't seem to bandage up
Given up for a grander cause
For a hope at a better life
For a hope that after this darkness
there will be a light
so beautiful
and bright
that we will know to walk towards it
Run towards it
Forgetting all of the past
Only to think of the perfection
that lay beyond
Not worrying if it is just a story
We tell ourselves at night
to make the nightmares go away.
To make the shadows stop moving
and to ease the sharp pain
where your heart should be
It seems you lost it a long while ago
though
It is the prayer we make in a dream
telling ourselves
this can't be real
this can't be real
fighting to wake up
screaming with the last of your breath
while your demons hold your eyes closed
and rips their nails through your skin
There is so much left to learn in this world
Are we chosen when it has been decided
that we know too much
or have a plan much too grand for this unholy place.
All these places of worship
put to test our faith
to test how much we're willing to buy into
something better than here and now
and what if this is Hell?
My heart aches
and trembles
wondering why anyone be so cruel
as to put us through this torture.
But if you're reading these
and you've asked yourself
"What does she mean?"
It is quite simple.
I love you,
and wish it didn't have to end this way.
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