Letters to a Ghost

Dear Ghost,

I have been sitting at this desk thinking of you for what seems to have been days.
You used to tell me that my habits were unhealthy
but here I am going about this all over again.

I won't lie,
I miss you.

Now our visits are refined to the short time that dreams provide
and you are not who you used to be.

You are a ghost
whose face is fading
whose voice has gone mute with each visit


Dear Ghost,

Not once did I think that when you left it would be forever.
We once were best friends
and now you are just a fond memory to look back on

I do not understand why I cannot move on.
I am not mourning yet I am not in denial...
There is a place in my heart that believes you are here

Dear Ghost,

The terms that you left on were terrible
                To say the least

You had been my best friend and my mentor,
I had once depended on you for so very much

When you left,
It felt like a hole had been shot straight into my heart.

I have always wondered if you felt the same,
Like you were given up on.

Perhaps I should have stayed
Instead of packing up and crying out for someone else to save me
But I was young and you had changed over your years of heartache.

Dear Ghost,

I pray for you whenever I can.
I believe that if you were meant for greatness
but never let greatness have a chance.

You were angry
I was impressionable.

Mom and Dad didn't understand how to save you...
        No one did.
You have been a ghost to me since long before you left.

I just liked to cling onto the belief that you would come back
but I now realize that I was wrong.
You really are never going to walk through the front door, worn with time and memories,
To have returned for good.

You are a ghost.
I cannot move on.

Dear Ghost,

Everyday grows longer than the last.
I have told Mom and Dad about the pains that I feel every night before I close my eyes,
How I believe there is a hole in my heart and that no matter how much I love him, the spot was meant for you.

I wish that I could take it back,
all the mean things that I said...
take it all back.

I miss you.

and love you.

Please, promise me that one day you will come home. Will you please?

With as much love as I have left in me,
Kirsten ~ your waiting sister.

P.S. If I am asleep when you come in, wake me up and let me know that you are home. Let me know that it is not yet another dream.