We know
all too well
the destruction
that comes
when
we tear
each other apart

And you know 
I would never
purposely
let you down

This silence
is killing me.

We sat here once before
looking guiltily
down
at our blistered hands
Ashamed
of what we had done
and
we had vowed
that
nothing
like that would ever
happen again

But here we are.

And you just
will not
listen to me.

You do not
want to
and what can I do
but sit here
screaming through
the pouring rain
and ferocious wind
hoping
that you will
hear me. 

That you will look
and see
through the drops
of rain
falling
down
the
pain
in
my
eyes
and
remember
all
of the moments
we had
forced
ourselves
to say
goodbye
and
remember
the
promises
made
in
the
high
times
should
be kept
during
the low.

I never wanted things
to end this way.

But this storm
just brings
silence. 
And that silence
is deafening
to my aching
ears.

I want to scream
I want to scream
until my throat
has run dry
until my voice
cracks
and I can
taste blood
when I swallow
down
my hurting pride.

Instead
I go back to my old ways
holding myself tightly
feeling
each muscle tighten
in on itself
and try to
hide somewhere
within myself.

You know 
I would never
purposely
let you down.

This
silence
ties a noose
pops one too many pills
loads and aims the gun
right at my temple
holds the shaking razors to my wrists
slowly watches as I fade away

This silence
is
killing
me.

You turn to watch,
clench closed
your eyes.
And 
turn 
away. 

The night has closed
down on us
and
the day

the encroaching,
unpromising
day
creeps across
the dark
land
spreading
her menacing
fingers out
-murdering
our last moments
in our
drunken
stupor

in our restless
dreams

in our  nightly
fits of rage

The day
the hideous
insideous
destructive 
day
stealing
our
darkness
away.

Some days
we pretend that
everything
is alright
and that
time
has moved on.

But another year
has passed
by me
like sand
in
the hourglass
and
I am tormented
by a guilt
and the
nightmares
that
you
are never
coming
back.

- It  is
so easy
to feign
some semblance
of normalcy

-It is the
admission
that
our lives
are
so vastly
split
apart
with the loss
of you.

Home

Memories 

begin 

to 

fade

into a foggy

recollection

of

a time

or 

place.

To be open

and 

honest

I don't even 

remember 

what it took

for me

to 

get here.

The only peace I know

is the feeling

of his heartbeat 

as I rest my head

upon his chest

and the day 

fades to night.

-

The only peace I know

are the moments 

with family

in which 

we fall 

back into

our roles

and 

life

seems to go back 

to normal

the tape has been rewound 

The early mornings

on the road

The late nights

being tucked in

The stories read

The stories told

The scrapes

and the bruises

The loved

and the lost

I could go on 

forever.

The only peace 

I know

are the moments

in which 

I feel

like

I am 

back 

home. 

It is morning.
I can tell
because
there is a
faint light
fading through
the darkness
and
you're not here.

Because
when I looked into
his eyes
there was a pain
that he couldn't seem to hide

A pain
that
resided
within him
despite
the waning time.

And it was in his eyes
that I fell
apart.

And as I sat upon
the
edge
of
the world

I thought
back to
every moment
we ever shared
-the good
-the bad
-and the awkward in between.

The years
left us
with little
but love
and
even that
had worn
thin.

But
it occurred
to me
in a fleeting
thought
that
you never
showed me
your darkness.

We were
so caught up
in living out
the good times
that
I let it slip
right by
the wayside.

And
as I sat there
on the
very edge
of the world

it occurred to me
that
this was
the end.