We know
all too well
the destruction
that comes
when
we tear
each other apart

And you know 
I would never
purposely
let you down

This silence
is killing me.

We sat here once before
looking guiltily
down
at our blistered hands
Ashamed
of what we had done
and
we had vowed
that
nothing
like that would ever
happen again

But here we are.

And you just
will not
listen to me.

You do not
want to
and what can I do
but sit here
screaming through
the pouring rain
and ferocious wind
hoping
that you will
hear me. 

That you will look
and see
through the drops
of rain
falling
down
the
pain
in
my
eyes
and
remember
all
of the moments
we had
forced
ourselves
to say
goodbye
and
remember
the
promises
made
in
the
high
times
should
be kept
during
the low.

I never wanted things
to end this way.

But this storm
just brings
silence. 
And that silence
is deafening
to my aching
ears.

I want to scream
I want to scream
until my throat
has run dry
until my voice
cracks
and I can
taste blood
when I swallow
down
my hurting pride.

Instead
I go back to my old ways
holding myself tightly
feeling
each muscle tighten
in on itself
and try to
hide somewhere
within myself.

You know 
I would never
purposely
let you down.

This
silence
ties a noose
pops one too many pills
loads and aims the gun
right at my temple
holds the shaking razors to my wrists
slowly watches as I fade away

This silence
is
killing
me.

You turn to watch,
clench closed
your eyes.
And 
turn 
away.