The Fear

more oft than not
oh who am I kidding
always

I fear that I am simply
not enough


I did not feel
prepared for this
for any of it

and yet
each day
I arise to a new life

one that is so vaguely familiar
so ambiguously mine

No notion of
where to go
from here
if at all
anywhere

No sense
of what is to
come next.

A pit
as wrinkled
and hardened
as one of a peach
sits like acid
in my chest.

I melt away with time
more oft than not
I melt away with
fear.

The petals stopped falling
My dear
Our flowers
Have wilted

Must we keep
Planting more?

If ever this room 

could stop spinning

maybe we could catch

our breath

The clock struck eleven

fifty-seven minutes ago

and I think that we

must be doomed

if only

it could all end

so I could just

catch a breath

of fresh air

if only the get out of this

white walled, single celled 

room that the disillusioned

poets 

began calling, "life"

 

All of my fears
have followed me down
into the depths of my dreams

I am drowning
but I'm wide
awake.

Is that how it feels
to fell
alive?

Lost between the words
Lost between the moments

Don't
Forget
Your
Self. 

Things have been feeling
heavy
again.

A weight on my chest
and I can hardly
breathe

Often
in the depths of night
I debate the realities
that surround me
and if there
could
ever be an
escape

Often
in the depths of night
I debate
if it's all really worth it

I just want to fall apart.

And yet
Piece by piece
I chip
and break
but I remain
Stoic

Repurposed
but
dead

Heaviness

I wanted to say something
Profound

I wanted to say the feelings that
rest uneasily
in my locked chest.

I wanted you to feel
what I felt

I wanted you
to understand.

Instead,
we lie awake at night
wondering
if the other
is the reason why
we remain alive.

So often,
I find myself sinking
into the undertow.
Drowning
under waves
that I cannot see
but I can feel.

So often,
You find yourself alone
with no one to listen
as you fight
with the demons
hidden in the dark
recesses of your mind.

I don't mind.
I don't mind.

But is this
really what it takes
for us to survive?

I wanted to tell you something
so
profound
that you would see
the world in the same light
that I see you

beautiful

We are worlds apart
despite the heaviness of
your breathes
landing softly
upon my lips