The Seeing Glass

I wanted there to be more

to all of this.

I am so conflicted

within my own head.

My being rages,

craving my Earthly desires

while my thoughts reach

and wander

meandering toward 

a higher purpose 

or meaning.

My heart- smothered 

by thick vines

and my mind 

is locked away in a prison 

constructed of its own devices.

Like a child tucked away 

in her room,

I look from behind my own eyes

- my windows

into the outside world.

Life passing me by.

I cannot help but wonder

Do they see me?

Can they hear me?

Their eyes gaze through me 

like I am nothing more 

than a refraction through the seeing glass.

-a distraction 

from the real picture.

My quiet comforts

have become my 

only comforts.

So I will sit.

And watch.

Through my end

of the seeing glass. 

Standing Still

Time was passing.

You could see it 

in the trees.

You could feel it

in the air.

The moment felt longer

than others though.

Drawn out by some 

unknown forces 

watching- 

out in the distant reaches 

of the universe.  

My hands reached

to grasp it

between my fingers

and hold onto it 

forever

But I was too late

and just like that

the moment slipped away

and time

moved forward.

-exhale-

It just keeps moving forward.  

She sat

wrapped up

within

a 

tiny world

that existed

only 

within 

the confines of 

her own 

imagination.

The nights were long

and lonesome.

Dark

and filled with 

terrors

that haunted her dreams.

She sat

wrapped up

within 

a 

tiny world-

a fragile little thing

-

my God though, 

a beautiful little thing. 

-

Her dark hair framing her 

fair face.

Her eyes as clear as 

the sky itself.

Her bony shoulders

protruding through her

emerald green dress.  

-

She sat 

wrapped up 

within her dreams

that held her closely

as the darkness closed in

as night approached 

menacingly.

The only things to comfort her

as the world spun on 

uncontrollably.

-

Her mind 

filled with endless possibilities

-both beautiful

and gruesome.

She was not someone that 

everyone could love.

Her mind continuously racing 

toward the next dream

-or nightmare.

-

She sat

wrapped within

the confines

of 

herself.  

I tell
myself
to
stop.

Breathe.

Stop.

It is
almost
comical
how I do this
to
myself.

Stop.

Breathe.

Stop.

What do you say
when there are no words
left
to say?

How do you hold on
when
you grip weakens
and your forearms
give out?

I have been searching for answers.
I have been looking
for
a
meaning.

But,
does there
really
need to be?

To Live Without

All that I ask
is that
you don't
leave me.

You are far too precious
for me to live
without.

Migraines and Medicine.

Time
slows
down

And
I can't breathe

No
really
I can't
count
the seconds between
my breathes

I
am
lost
within
my
own vices. 

But
at least
I feel
whole
for
a moment.

A moment.

Let
me
dissect this.

You
ever
wonder
what a moment
even consists
of?

-Hold
up-

Dizzy.

And
the pain is back. 

I blink
But at least
I know
that
I am real.

I have
participated in real life
for approximately
sixty-four days

Or what
I perceive
to be real
life.

But
the pain
wasn't
there
for about
half
of those.

So I thought
maybe
I'm
not real?

I
don't
really
know. 

Breathe.

Eyes
flutter
slowly.

This is
what I have been reduced to.

A shell
of
my
former self.

But
At least
I
am
Happy. 

Right?
Right.