Sinking

Things

have 

been 

difficult

to say

the

least.

To say the most

would take

too many words

and would 

leave us both

feeling

rather 

uncomfortable.

But 

I want you 

to know

that I am 

fine.

Just.

Fine.

I am

sinking

deeper

into

myself.

I hardly recognize 

my own reflection

My voice

irritates

even myself.

How is it

that it is myself

whom I hate

the most?

I don't 

know.

I wish I had an answer.

I 

keep

sinking

deeper

into

myself

and I am calling

screaming

for help

but my cries

fall

on 

deaf ears.

I hold

myself

close

in 

the darkness

of the night

and wonder

how 

much longer

I can 

hold on.

I am tired.

so 

tired.

Sinking

deeper.

Falling

Farther

From

Myself.

I-I can't

I can't stand

I can't stand myself.

Out of Place. Out of Time.

 I am crawling

out of my skin

trying

to feel human

or something

close.

I am crawling out

of my 

skin

with a desire

to disappear 

within myself.

I am crawling out of my 

skin

feeling

so 

incredibly

out of 

place.

out of time. 

Silence

 Numb

Disbelief.

The pit in my stomach;

Heavy.

I shrink

into the silence.  

Paper Straws

 Grasping at straws

for a meaning

in 

anything.

Let it Go

How quickly-
too quickly...
No,
Sorry that
was not
what
I meant.

You just
star
tled
me

I was
caught in the
half-second
regret
of
even
thinking
your
name.

How
quick
ly
too slow.

Forget it.
I just need
to let it
go.

The Fear

It seems like

every day

is just the same.

Just the 

same. 

It feels like 

every breath 

heavy

in my chest

is just one more

feeble 

attempt to

survive.

As my 

lungs lurch

halfheartedly

towards 

the finish line.

Don't get me

wrong.

I am in no hurry

but 

some days

seem 

longer than

others

and some 

dreams

are worse

than most.

I cannot help but wonder

what 

has kept me here

other than

a fear 

of what lay

beyond.

A fear

that my family

would not 

survive.

A fear

that 

the efforts

were in vain

Or worse-

that they 

were not.

And what of it then?

Will I waste away 

in a fiery oblivion?

Or will I enter an

afterlife

beautifully clean

-myself washed

anew.

It seems like 

every day 

is just 

plainly 

the same

and when it is not

there is not 

the capacity 

within my chest 

to hold me down

to keep my safe

to render my calm.

The shrill panic

paining me 

deeply within my chest.

I am 

afraid.

I suppose

that at the end of it

that is all that it is

I am 

afraid.  

tecenda

Crash landed

and 

I don't have my head 

screwed on straight

enough to see 

the light

right in front of 

me.

I breathe
I try
and try
to breathe.

But my throat
catches
with a sharp
choke.

Crash landed
and
my head aches
with raw
- gnawing pain
I don't have my
head screwed on
straight
enough

to see
the light

right in front
of me.