Wednesday, March 25, 2020

The Fear

It seems like
every day
is just the same.

Just the 
same. 

It feels like 
every breath 
heavy
in my chest
is just one more
feeble 
attempt to
survive.

As my 
lungs lurch
halfheartedly
towards 
the finish line.

Don't get me
wrong.

I am in no hurry
but 
some days
seem 
longer than
others
and some 
dreams
are worse
than most.

I cannot help but wonder
what 
has kept me here
other than
a fear 
of what lay
beyond.

A fear
that my family
would not 
survive.

A fear
that 
the efforts
were in vain
Or worse-
that they 
were not.

And what of it then?

Will I waste away 
in a fiery oblivion?
Or will I enter an
afterlife
beautifully clean
-myself washed
anew.

It seems like 
every day 
is just 
plainly 
the same

and when it is not

there is not 
the capacity 
within my chest 
to hold me down
to keep my safe
to render my calm.

The shrill panic
paining me 
deeply within my chest.

I am 
afraid.

I suppose
that at the end of it
that is all that it is
I am 
afraid.  

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Unity

 Each  and every  day we grow older Our wrinkles grow deeper Our hair thins greys and falls out Each  and every  day We grow My heart aches ...