And In The Night

I needed something

and I needed it to be

Profound.

I needed it to 

speak to me

louder 

than any words

have ever spoken 

before.

I needed it 

to tell me 

the most fundamental 

truth

of all.

But, alas

What was that truth?

And why did I need it?

The ever

tantalizing truth

Prodding me awake

from the depths of 

sleep.

The quest for fulfillment 

slipping through my clenched 

fingers.

But I think I know

now

What I could have 

never known then

A deep silence 

falls across the calm

waters

The thick fog settles.

The multitude of the 

universe expanding

comes to a rapid halt.

-These wounds

were always 

self-inflicted. 

So many voices 

and they are all

speaking to me.

I close my eyes

and 

I try to breathe.

I will take one pill

than another,

two. 

~

So many voices

and they are all

speaking

to 

me.

I 

try

to 

focus

But my God

this shit 

won't do.

~

So many voices

and they 

all

are speaking

to me.

I push my head underwater

then begin

to breathe. 

It occurs to me

-Sometimes the lies

are all too

true.    

When It Is All Over

For when it is all over
what will be left
of us?

And
what will be left
for us?

When it is all
said
When it is all
done

Will you remember
our first moments?
Will you remember
being together
and how it felt?

I close my eyes
grasping at the last of our firsts

The moments fleeting
before me
like the few moments of darkness
just before dawn breaks.

So I ask one more time of you,

For when it is all over
What will be left of us?
And finally,
what will remain?

Vastly Apart

His eyes-
those eyes...
Those horribly sad eyes.

Peered through me
and pierced my aching soul.

His lips moved
but I cannot seem
to remember his words
-just his face.

His longing
to leave
To be anywhere
than here.

His hands
folded neatly
but scratching at themselves
spoke loud enough
despite his muted words

In the darkness
we sat
in the comforting silence
of expecting the loss
that was approaching us
at a rapid, calculated speed.

We were still.
But
We were together. 

Together
but
soon to be
vastly apart.

The sea is calm

The sky

-clear and blue.

But my heart

is pounding

in the silence 

that looms 

awkwardly amongst us. 

You ask me

"What's wrong?"

And God,

I don't want there 

to be anything wrong

but there is.

"I'm tired." I sigh, "I 

am so tired." 

It's true. 

My bones are weary

Disappointment flows through me.

- I don't want to do this anymore.  

The Backdrop Fades to Grey

I find myself sitting
In silence
As the world
Continues to crumble
Before me.

I reach out with grasping hands
To do something
-anything to fix it
Or even just hold it together before its all
Gone
-Again-
But alas
It is useless

It is so fucking useless.

The backdrop
Fades to grey.

The Seeing Glass

I wanted there to be more

to all of this.

I am so conflicted

within my own head.

My being rages,

craving my Earthly desires

while my thoughts reach

and wander

meandering toward 

a higher purpose 

or meaning.

My heart- smothered 

by thick vines

and my mind 

is locked away in a prison 

constructed of its own devices.

Like a child tucked away 

in her room,

I look from behind my own eyes

- my windows

into the outside world.

Life passing me by.

I cannot help but wonder

Do they see me?

Can they hear me?

Their eyes gaze through me 

like I am nothing more 

than a refraction through the seeing glass.

-a distraction 

from the real picture.

My quiet comforts

have become my 

only comforts.

So I will sit.

And watch.

Through my end

of the seeing glass.