Long Night

Haven't cried in over a week.  But last night I did.  I cried for a while.  I begged and pleaded with God.  I did everything I could.  And you're still not here.

I woke up exhausted, as if I struggled physically in those hours I spent crying.  I did.

I'm spent.
Done.
Dying.
Not quite dead.

Miss you.
Miss being happy.
Miss the moments when the family is all together.
All happy.
Never again.

Never afuckingain.

A Month Ago

A month ago you died.
Just four weeks ago.
I miss you every day.

We all do.
Wake up.
Just wake up.
Please.

God.
Please.

Wake him up.

Words

In these words,
there is healing.

There is the recognition that this is
indeed
not the end

There is hope that one day
we will wake up
and we will be together again

We will be.

In these words,
there is love.

There is the hope that the sun
will in fact
rise again tomorrow

For it will.

In the words,
there is remembrance.

There is the thought that this
truly
is not our story's end.

For all great stories
have great endings.

Tomorrow

Keep thinking about you

Against my will.

Tomorrow.

I would see you tomorrow.

What the fuck is this world coming to?

How have we not figured out a way into the heavens?

We're surviving,

whether we feel it or not.

Hearts beating fast,

slow,

I don't particularly know.

But they're beating

And that's more than I can say 

for how I felt yesterday.

Sleepless night #2

Hurts to breathe,
to swallow,
to keep these weary, teary eyes open.

Hurts to think
about you
about your life.

Hurts to know how angry I am at you
how sad I am to have lost you
how in a daze I am with your sudden death

But it wasn't sudden.
You were doomed for a while now
None of us accepted it though.
Acted as though we were blind to it.

Because how can you recognize what you don't see?

I keep seeing you in my dreams.
Different faces,
Different ages,
Your voice always the same.

Every day is more of a struggle than the last,
But I'm holding onto hope.
Whatever that is.
That I can make it out alive.

I would give nearly anything to save you,
to bring you back from the grave.
But would you be willing to save yourself?

The silence after the heavy storm echoes loudly in the night.

Keep dreaming about you, like you're still here.
I'm still here, where did you go?

We're waiting for you so we can get back to our lives
but you're running late.

Feel like I'm stuck in a time warp
Luckily,
I can breathe again.
Luckily,
I can still feel.
and luckily,
these dreams can keep us together.

But one day
I'll stop breathing
stop feeling
and stop dreaming

And on that day
we'll be together again