I want more than this.

I want more than lying awake at night,
scared.
Contemplating if I should lock the doors
or if it's all just a dream and I'm fine.

Thinking of every regret,
every mistake,
and who I have left to apologize to
or to thank

Nights like these when I wish
I could tune it all out
and just sleep

Just drift off
into
Neverland

And never come back.

Beyond the awful reality
that at some point or another
you're going to lose
someone whom you love,
and perhaps,
someone whom you love
most of all.

Beyond the guilty thoughts
that maybe it should have been me instead

It's 12:41 p.m.
The wind chimes
are softly singing
the light of midday
gentle, and calm
drifts with me
into a day dream