The years have molded and changed us into different people
than we once were
but still
I believe in you
and your heart.

My heart fades into the night
consumed by the universe.

The stars shining down
brilliantly,
Dancing through
the thick tree cover.

The light of the moon
guiding me home.

My hands
reach out
high above my head

The darkened sky
a mirror image
of my shining eyes.

As I quietly whisper,
"Take me home."

Left.

There are certain things
that I don't talk about

At least not
anymore.

But sometimes
I need to break the silence.

-

My brother
is gone.

Gone from this world.
Forever.

I look into my father's eyes
and see the tears
Waiting to fall.

I listen to my mother's voice
crack with each word
and the pain behind her laughter.

I sit on the edge of the world
struggling with my own depression
and sometimes I wish someone
would reach out
and save me.

Most days are better
than others

But it's when the silence creeps in
that my demons decide to play.

My little brother asking
if he's in Heaven
My older brother battling
demons of his own.

We're broken.
And I deny my own pain.

I swallow it up
until it devours me

-

The day breaks
My feet dangle in thin air
The breeze caressing my face.

I'm just sitting here
on the edge of the world

Waiting for the pain
to take me away.
Waiting for the depression
to swallow me whole.

And nobody knows.

Nobody feels the ache in my heart.

-
Why did you have to go?

Surrounded by new faces
Unfamiliar
I scratch at my throat

I itch in my seat
My feet tap impatiently.

Consumed within the madness
I close my eyes.

-Release-

A quiet meadow
Only the sound of a small stream
and birds chittering away.

Tall grass surrounds me
and nearby I am encircled
by looming trees.

My lungs fill themselves
And then
I exhale

-Eyes Open-

Blank spaces in time.

Quite often.

Silenced heart.

And they ask me,
"Who are you?"

I respond,
"I am not certain.
-I do not belong here.
And I fear
that I must be going now."

Staring up at the night sky
Counting each
and every
star

Silenced
as my heart
reaches out
into the expansive universe

The warmth of your memory

Guided by your spirit
into the darkness
towards the blinding light

My breath stops
center in my chest

The light within my eyes
flickering
As I feel the cosmos
wrapping their fingers around me

The soft blades of grass
act as a bed

Heart beat slows.
I exhale a heavy breath.

Until I am
consumed
into the painted black sky.

Tonight

I will be honest with you.

I miss you 

so much 

that it physically hurts.

So much 

that some days

I feel like

I could fall apart

piece by piece.

But I take that torment

and I swallow it up

like I'm fine

just fine.

And I smile.

But there are days when

I feel like I could just

throw up all back 

up.

We don't forget.

We simply cannot.

We lay awake at night,
our eyes closed
but our minds opened
reaching out for each other.

Nearly reaching
but not nearly enough.

-

I awaken.
Alone.