Today is a slow day.
Only 11:25 and I've spent all morning thinking about you.

The year of firsts.

The first summer without you.

I wish we didn't feel so alone.

Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon

Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel... can you feel my heart?

Can you help the hopeless?
Well, I'm begging on my knees,
Can you save my bastard soul?
Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry brothers,
So sorry lover,
Forgive me father,
I love you mother.

Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

Can you feel my heart?

Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel... can you feel my heart?

By Bring Me The Horizon

I love this song.

My heart is sinking
down into the deep recesses of my chest.
Reality hurts.

Today it hurts worse than it did yesterday,
and it hurt worse yesterday
than the day before.

If I could sleep
it would be forever.

Blink.

Sigh.

In my dreams
I found you.

4/20/2013

You're dead,
Sean's at training.
I'm home alone.

I keep wondering how it got to this.
How we got here.

How I'm still standing.
Barely.

The thought of being without you kills me.

Two Months

Didn't even realize
but today is the day
two months ago.

It doesn't seem like so long ago
but it does feel like an eternity.

Sometimes I wish I could wake up
Other times I just want to stay dreaming.
Mostly though,
I wish that you'd come back.

I'm supposed to be the backbone
and be strong
but lately,
I've felt pretty weak.
Pretty tired.
Pretty alone.

Everyday without you
is a reminder of everything
that has gone wrong.

Most days seem monotone
but the sun reminds me of you.
The rain reminds me of you.
The stars standing deep within the night sky
speak to me
in your voice
telling me that you're still here with me.
with all of us.

You visit me in my dreams
but upon awaking
I'm snapped back into this sickening reality.

But you're not gone.
I tell myself that.
Unsure of the truth.

I hope you read our letters.

Until we meet again,
All of us.