Paper Straws

 Grasping at straws

for a meaning

in 

anything.

Let it Go

How quickly-
too quickly...
No,
Sorry that
was not
what
I meant.

You just
star
tled
me

I was
caught in the
half-second
regret
of
even
thinking
your
name.

How
quick
ly
too slow.

Forget it.
I just need
to let it
go.

The Fear

It seems like

every day

is just the same.

Just the 

same. 

It feels like 

every breath 

heavy

in my chest

is just one more

feeble 

attempt to

survive.

As my 

lungs lurch

halfheartedly

towards 

the finish line.

Don't get me

wrong.

I am in no hurry

but 

some days

seem 

longer than

others

and some 

dreams

are worse

than most.

I cannot help but wonder

what 

has kept me here

other than

a fear 

of what lay

beyond.

A fear

that my family

would not 

survive.

A fear

that 

the efforts

were in vain

Or worse-

that they 

were not.

And what of it then?

Will I waste away 

in a fiery oblivion?

Or will I enter an

afterlife

beautifully clean

-myself washed

anew.

It seems like 

every day 

is just 

plainly 

the same

and when it is not

there is not 

the capacity 

within my chest 

to hold me down

to keep my safe

to render my calm.

The shrill panic

paining me 

deeply within my chest.

I am 

afraid.

I suppose

that at the end of it

that is all that it is

I am 

afraid.  

tecenda

Crash landed

and 

I don't have my head 

screwed on straight

enough to see 

the light

right in front of 

me.

I breathe
I try
and try
to breathe.

But my throat
catches
with a sharp
choke.

Crash landed
and
my head aches
with raw
- gnawing pain
I don't have my
head screwed on
straight
enough

to see
the light

right in front
of me.

Begin Again.

Start
Stop
Rewind
Replay
and

Begin
Again.

Begin

Again.

Stop.

Breathe.

Fuck.
What
am I doing?

Rewind.
Stop.
Start.

3
2
1

Begin
Again.

The Moments Between Us

We live

in 

the moments

between 

then

and now

and we laugh

with a freedom 

that is

pure

and innocent.

I inhale

your 

exhale

and 

in those moments

we are

so alive

and drunk 

on what 

it means

to feel

everything

and nothing-

to feel

anything
anything
at all. 

But The Voices in Your Head

You.

I am so glad 

that you are here.

I was wondering when you would stumble my way

and read the words that you know are written 

across your doubt-stricken heart.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

No, 

No.  

It never had to be this way.

I was wondering 

when you would find yourself

so uncomfortably 

down upon your knees

begging for someone to make sense of things.  

But the voices in your head

no

they aren't going to be the ones to tell you

where to go from here.

No.

no.

But, my god, how loud they do scream!

You.

you.

I am so, so very glad that you are here.

I was wondering

when you would come to question your very motives

but since you are here

listening to my words

it had to be sooner

rather than 

later.

Why did you choose this

in the first place?

Do not tell me

this is not your own fault.

Do not 

lie to me.

I knew you would falter.

I knew you would stumble.

I knew 

more than anything

that your character 

could crumble.

But it hoped,

no,

I begged,

that it wouldn't 

destroy the ones you loved.