My heart is sinking
down into the deep recesses of my chest.
Reality hurts.

Today it hurts worse than it did yesterday,
and it hurt worse yesterday
than the day before.

If I could sleep
it would be forever.

Blink.

Sigh.

In my dreams
I found you.

4/20/2013

You're dead,
Sean's at training.
I'm home alone.

I keep wondering how it got to this.
How we got here.

How I'm still standing.
Barely.

The thought of being without you kills me.

Two Months

Didn't even realize
but today is the day
two months ago.

It doesn't seem like so long ago
but it does feel like an eternity.

Sometimes I wish I could wake up
Other times I just want to stay dreaming.
Mostly though,
I wish that you'd come back.

I'm supposed to be the backbone
and be strong
but lately,
I've felt pretty weak.
Pretty tired.
Pretty alone.

Everyday without you
is a reminder of everything
that has gone wrong.

Most days seem monotone
but the sun reminds me of you.
The rain reminds me of you.
The stars standing deep within the night sky
speak to me
in your voice
telling me that you're still here with me.
with all of us.

You visit me in my dreams
but upon awaking
I'm snapped back into this sickening reality.

But you're not gone.
I tell myself that.
Unsure of the truth.

I hope you read our letters.

Until we meet again,
All of us.

Each day that we have survived
is a reminder that you have not.

Like the lone tree that survives the whole winter
green leaves and all.

You have outdone us,
left us freezing through this harsh winter
As you alone
Blossom fully in heaven's light.

To say we are alive is one thing
But to truly feel it...
You forgot to show me how.

As my eyes flutter closed,

and the dream world envelopes me

You're my final conscious thought.

As I wish for you in my dreams.

Perhaps the rain was falling that day for a reason

Perhaps not.

However, there is a reason

                    for everything

The world was crying that day 

for you

for losing someone irreplaceable.

I don't know how everyone else just keeps going.

There's so much left to say

but no one left to say it too.