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And In The Night

I needed something and I needed it to be Profound.
I needed it to  speak to me louder  than any words have ever spoken  before.
I needed it  to tell me  the most fundamental  truth of all.
But, alas What was that truth? And why did I need it?
The ever tantalizing truth Prodding me awake from the depths of  sleep.
The quest for fulfillment  slipping through my clenched  fingers.
But I think I know now What I could have  never known then
A deep silence  falls across the calm waters The thick fog settles. The multitude of the  universe expanding comes to a rapid halt.
-These wounds were always  self-inflicted.
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So many voices  and they are all speaking to me.
I close my eyes and  I try to breathe.
I will take one pill than another, two.  ~ So many voices and they are all speaking to  me.
I  try to  focus
But my God this shit  won't do. ~ So many voices and they  all are speaking to me.
I push my head underwater then begin to breathe. 
It occurs to me -Sometimes the lies are all too true.    

When It Is All Over

For when it is all over
what will be left
of us?

what will be left
for us?

When it is all
When it is all

Will you remember
our first moments?
Will you remember
being together
and how it felt?

I close my eyes
grasping at the last of our firsts

The moments fleeting
before me
like the few moments of darkness
just before dawn breaks.

So I ask one more time of you,

For when it is all over
What will be left of us?
And finally,
what will remain?

Vastly Apart

His eyes-
those eyes...
Those horribly sad eyes.

Peered through me
and pierced my aching soul.

His lips moved
but I cannot seem
to remember his words
-just his face.

His longing
to leave
To be anywhere
than here.

His hands
folded neatly
but scratching at themselves
spoke loud enough
despite his muted words

In the darkness
we sat
in the comforting silence
of expecting the loss
that was approaching us
at a rapid, calculated speed.

We were still.
We were together. 

soon to be
vastly apart.

The sea is calm The sky -clear and blue.
But my heart is pounding
in the silence  that looms  awkwardly amongst us. 
You ask me "What's wrong?" And God, I don't want there  to be anything wrong but there is.
"I'm tired." I sigh, "I  am so tired." 
It's true.  My bones are weary Disappointment flows through me. - I don't want to do this anymore.

The Backdrop Fades to Grey

I find myself sitting
In silence
As the world
Continues to crumble
Before me.

I reach out with grasping hands
To do something
-anything to fix it
Or even just hold it together before its all
But alas
It is useless

It is so fucking useless.

The backdrop
Fades to grey.

The Seeing Glass

I wanted there to be more to all of this.
I am so conflicted within my own head.
My being rages, craving my Earthly desires while my thoughts reach and wander meandering toward  a higher purpose  or meaning.
My heart- smothered  by thick vines and my mind  is locked away in a prison  constructed of its own devices.
Like a child tucked away  in her room, I look from behind my own eyes - my windows into the outside world.
Life passing me by.
I cannot help but wonder Do they see me? Can they hear me?
Their eyes gaze through me  like I am nothing more  than a refraction through the seeing glass.
-a distraction  from the real picture.
My quiet comforts have become my  only comforts.
So I will sit. And watch. Through my end of the seeing glass.